Fashion, Culture and Identity, how do these three equate? As a student in the fashion program, I am challenged to find ways in combining my interest and exploring how they all intertwine.
Growing up in a PWI (predominantly white institution) has taught me many important life lessons. Though I’m sure I could go on about every single lesson, it would turn into an entire thesis paper. Today I’ll be expanding on the idea of self-expression and identity through clothing.
Ahhh the great Southwestern Ontario, you see one town and you can get a good read on what all the other towns are like. As a POC (person of colour) in these towns, you either conform or stick out like a sore thumb. For a majority of my life in my hometown I always picked option one conformity, as it was the only option I knew. I felt the need to change every aspect that makes me unique. Was it a sense of fight or flight, a search for belonging? I'd say it was both.
At such a young age I remember the feeling of alienation.Knowing that I looked like the odd one out made me feel as the other. It was made clear as classmates would comment about my facial features and skin tone, causing me to have many insecurities of own appearance. High School begins and the identity crisis kick in. The teasing only continue and the desire to feel belonging increased.
Distancing myself from my culture felt right in that moment, as I wanted to be like everyone else. Though I can admit I played into the idea of being the token Asian, this was the only way to feel accepted. Laughing to underlying racist jokes and assimilating was my method of survival. I never really enjoyed my High School experience due to the fact I was pretending to be someone else. Always making sure my presence was not bothering anyone. Holding making back my responses in worry that I would be casted out.
With time this was exhausting as I was keeping myself from my true potential. During that moment I was never aware of how harmful my actions were to my personal and public identity. For me peak quarantine had a silver lining, the time gave me an opportunity to analyze who I was and who I've become.
This was an emotional taxing process, almost like a breakup. I was grieving for my younger self, I was in denial that this was my reality and the final step was acceptance.
I took it upon my liberty to reclaim my identity as a young Filipina. The best way to do so was through my interest in fashion and self expression.
During many of my courses here at TMU, I’ve learnt that there is so much more beyond the frivolous feminine stereotype. The power clothing holds always inspires me to understand more of why we choose to wear.
Through experimentation clothing has been a way for me to express my reclaimed identity and heal my inner child.
Though this sounds like a large claim, it puts me at ease knowing younger me would be so proud. I gained my pride and boldness by the way I dress, for me clothings speaks so much for itself. Wearing bold colours, loud prints and large silhouettes all help me accept who I am. My queerness, loud personality and confidence all reflect through the way I present.
In order for me to immerse myself in my own culture, I had to unpack my upbringing. Forgiveness towards myself needed to happen in order to create a new relationship with my identity. For a while I found myself being ashamed for hiding my culture, but I didn’t know any better. With this gained confidence, I am continuously creating my own definition of what it means to be Filipino in my eyes. I hope to continue this conversation through friends and family or even Muni-Muni (Podcast)